Night Light

 

Flying home

Nice wheels turning

Music imploding

Pulling in the despair

Pushing out the tunes

Bumping the air

Flowing around my car

Like a hurricane

Part of a moon

Shines down

Amidst the stars

Part of a moon

Shines dim

Not enough light

To give my sight

A way to see clear

The road ahead

A way to see clear

And understand

Why you’re gone

Life is a cheat

And a liar

Dearest Dru - just when you made my life

An incredible ride

You were gone

And not at my side

Just when I knew how precious you were

Life cheated me

Made a fool of me

And now I walk alone...

And then I think back

To my night light

I had as a child

When I was alone in bed

After a story was read

And in my head

Were pictures glowing

And growing

Into hopes I had for days ahead

And I had a night light

 

To remind me

I was safe at home

I wasn’t alone

And I would be taken care of

It’s just a little thing

Like the songs we used to sing

Like the breeze in the Spring

Just a night light

And now I drive my car

Through the night

And wonder how can I go on

Since life took you away…

I miss you so much

I can still hear you laughing

And sense your touch

And it’s been too much

Since you’ve been gone

You’d think by now

I’d get over it

Some of my friends can’t understand

Why I can’t make new plans

To drive to another place

And start over

But it’s like I’m in a race

Not knowing the prize

Or where the finish line is.

God - give me some light

Be my night light

To make me feel secure

That you are near

That you will deliver me

From the voices

That seek to destroy me

That haunt me in my mind

That refuse to let me find

Peace of mind

Give me the assurance I need

To know that someday I will see her

And never lose her again....

Set me free from thinking if only

I could’ve, I should’ve, I would’ve,

If only I would have done more

If only I could have been there

I should have __________ ...

But I’m so helpless sometimes

So weak sometimes

I just don’t know what to do

Let me draw close to you

The One who has the power to set me free

From not being able to forgive myself

The One who can set me free

From carrying these memories

And this unforgiveness

And despair

Dear Lord Jesus

The perfect sinless holy One

Who died on the cross for me

And the whole world

I leave my guilt and unforgiveness

And all my burdens

At the cross

At the tomb

Where they are buried and forgotten forever

And I want to rise again

From this life of the old

Worn-out, weariness and pain

And live for you till I see Dru again....

Till I see you, Lord,

The One who delivered me....

 

“Your word is a lamp to my feet

And a light for my path.”

Psalm 119:105

 

Dru Sjodin was kidnapped and murdered. She was a University of North Dakota student. This poem is dedicated to those who are still struggling with how much they miss her. There will never be a time when she is forgotten, and that is what this poem is about.

This website is not for people who “have it all together.” It is for people who are still struggling,  still in tears, still raging at times over what life can deal out to you and those you love.

Imagine that you are driving your car through the city on a night when the moon is hiding behind the clouds and can only partially be seen.  A sense of utter despair and loneliness floods your soul. You can see and hear Dru’s voice, her smile, her joy. But you know that you will never see her again. This feeling screams out to be remedied, but there is no remedy.

The night can take away the feeling of security you long for. The absence of separation from those you love. The sense that the one you miss will come home any day and tell you that “It’s all just a big mistake.”

But then you remember your night light. The one that was on your wall when you were little. In the night, in the darkness, in the despair, there was  a light. That light gave you a sense of security.

This gives you hope. Hope is like a light - a light that shows you the way, that encourages you to go forward, one step, then another, then another. The hope is this:

“God is not the God of the dead, but the God of the living.”

Yes, you will see Dru again. And you know what else? You can’t lose her again. After this go-around, after this temporary situation, you won’t lose her again.

Read the New Testament, in the book of First Corinthians (I Corinthians), chapter 15. It talks about the resurrection of the dead.

You will see her again, and you won’t ever lose her again.

“I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 8:38-39

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Blue Ballerina” was written for those who have lost someone because of a crime.